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| hey.... guess i should probly update. thought this won't be long, i have to be in organic chem here in 20 minutes.... i'm doing much better since my last post (doesn't take much) but currently my spine feels like it's doing oragami.... blah. chris has been taking good care of me though! i really do love him.... ok gotta run. later
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| NEEDED:
someone who will actually listen to me.
i'm serious. everytime i have a problem and need to talk it out, i always seem to go to the wrong person. so please consider before responding. i guess just leave me something here, or call me. | | |
| current life status: pretty sucky.
i'm in florida... i'm supposed to be happy... ha. not so much.
everything seems to be falling down around me. most of it's my own bad
choices that now i'm scrambling to catch up with because they seem to
have gotten out of hand. ah. prayer is nessicary, calls are much
appreciated. love ya'll and i can't wait for school to start again so i
have some semblance of normality and stability. blah
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| i learned something last night and i think that it appies to music too, it's that when we have been practicing, and practicing and can't seem to get it just right, when we do it is an OS!M. imagine you are a street luger sitting at the top of a hill. there isn't nice cushy snow on either side like in regular luge, it's an asphalt street lined with parker cars and main street down at the bottem, and that's your finish line. so you lay down on a piece of wood and wheels no bigger that a skateboard, you rback two mere inches off the pavment, and your friend shoves you off! zooming down the hill you can practicaly feel the asphalt on your back, and the cars are only a blur going past you, it is at this moment you think: Oh shit! (but in a good way) now you're an asipering businessman preparing for the prsentarion of a lifetime. you and your team have workd for months coming up with the perfect powerpoint, all the perfect word, and even down to the perfect outfit. you have practiced your speech in front of the mirror until it broke, and finally th day arrives. sitting through the initial meeting your hands get all cold and clammy, then you get up and walk around to the front of the room and turn to face your audience. a tablefull of all your bosses, arms folded, waiting to hear what you have to say. and you think: Oh shit! it is in these moments that we realize that we are about to do something great, without these moments the world would never change. that's what an OS!M is, an Oh shit! moment. and that is what makes all the blood sweat and tears of preparation pay off, that instant you know you are about to make a difference.
applied to music, with every new piece i play i have always found my OS!M, then i never want to set my mallets down! it's the instant i realize that i am making music, i can feel it, and i love it! i just havn't been practicing at all this summer, kinda hard with no marimba...
but i learned this in the context of my job, so i'm off to go have an OS!M and remember why i started this job in the first place. see ya! | | |
| if i put on a smile long enough, will i become it?
that is my question as i sit here on my bed after four hours on the
phone with people and only has 4 appointments to show for it.
before all of you start scraching your head and giving me weird looks,
i got a new job. it's marketing and sales for a company called
vector. sales is the second highest grossing proffession behind
professional entertainers and athletes, so i figured i'd get my hand in
the action for the summer. i'm starting to learn that i might not
be cut out for marketing.... the whole: make lots of money, earn cool
prizes thing is great, but to get that i have to put in countless (four
so far) hours of unpaid work to be prepared for when i can make
money. haha they forgot to mention that in training. of
course my parents were never thrilled with the idea, but they figured
they would let me learn on my own as usual. that is not without,
of course, the occational: amy i'm really not sure this is going to be
the best way for you to earn money this summer; why don't you go back
to those resturants you applied at and ask about your application; amy
get off the phone; if you were waiting tables we might get a discount
here.... and the like. i'm not saying i would like to prove my parents
wrong, it's more like that i want to prove myself wrong for thinking i
wouldn't be good at anything that takes thought outside of work hours
and that is like, all marketing is. making calls at night for
appointments at some random time the next day and some how fitting both
in every day.
so my dilema comes to me as the question: do i want to not be as
physically drained, but completely mentaly drained all the time due to
this mentaly straining job and online classes, or would i rather give
this up and return to waiting tables and only be partialy physically
and partialy mentaly stressed all the time? can i pretend to enjoy
something for so long that i actually do? in that case: can i pretend
to like something i can't seem to enjoy?
after sitting here, not typing anything for near half an hour, i have
come to the decision of not to decide anything. at the
moment. i'll stay with it through the first ten days of 'fast
start' and then a few on a more sane schedual after that. we'll
see. worst that could happen: i don't make much money and have to
try again to get a job in a resturant. so... through the end of
the month. here goes nothin....
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